why?

why do bad things happen to people? I was thinking about that last night....what would our world be like if everything was always good, everyone died in their 80's in their sleep, everyone had money for everything they need....i can't even picture a place like that here on earth. God has that spot reserved for me (moneyless of course) in Heaven. What a great place to be called to! What kind of dependence would we even have on God if we always had everything at our fingertips and everything was always good? we would never understand the depth and love of our father and be able to grasp the actual NEED we have for him.

there are people I love that are gone, my Aunt El for instance. She was one of the most wonderful, amazing women I have ever met. I hate that I didn't get to know her into my 20's, I had so much to learn from her...i hate that she died of breast cancer and it was a fight for 2 years. i regret not going to her funeral, but it was my last sememster in college and I just didn't feel I could be there. Oh if only all of you had met her....she was incredible. She was a woman who knew how to give and love everyone!! why did god choose her?? i don't know...I guess he was eager to spend time with her as much as I was.

I don't understand why things happen when they do...my mom had cancer 4 years ago and from which she has never fully recovered. My mom is also wonderful and great, but she has a different aspect on life. She likes to be alone, doesn't really want to live (which now i can understand, her quality of life is terrible), but even if she was healthy I don't know if she would want to be around now that her kids are grown. She is dying now...a grim reality I am having to learn about. Luckily God has let me deal with cancer before and how it ravages the body and by the end you are praying, Lord take them, they can't live like this, this is a terrible way to live. I don't know what to think about my mom, i love her so much and I don't know what I will do without being to call her, but she DOESN'T have a will to live and hasn't for a couple years. She doesn't go to the dr, she doesn't want to know if the cancer is gone for sure, she doesn't take all her meds, doesn't really care about her grandkids (which really hurts), I just don't understand how she has no will...but in a sense I can. What does she hope in??? nothing? SHe deosn't believe in God. she won't talk about God and I pray that she accepted him as a child sicne she did grow up in the church....but i don't know. I am so sad for my mom. She had a sad childhood, happy college time, a marriage ending in divorce, depression, drinking, missing her first husband (still does) and then her second husband dying all the sudden and no will to live. I am depressed for her, but all i can do is pray. I love her, but I can't let her decisions define who I am and be depressed to. I want her to live, I want her to have the will to live, but she refuses to and I CAN'T change her. My aunt truly wanted to live, our friend Vicki, wants to live...but my mom doesn't...and it hurts so bad. lord please change her heart...please!

so all goes to say...there is a reason for everything, a season for everything...God is good and I know that, but sometimes its hard to take in and everynow and then I just wish for a day where everyone was well and happy....or maybe just back to the way things used to be. God restore me....refine me...teach me your ways...I want to live for you in all that I do and never regret! be with all our friends that are hurting...family that is in pain...comfort and bring a peace only you can. thank you for the gift of sorrow and hurt so we can truly know you and depend on you for everything...you suffered so much with your Son, so I know we aren't alone. Thank you for your everylasting love...i love you lord. -AEB